Dr. Amy Lee, Licensed Psychologist & Behavior Analyst Providing Psychological Evaluations & Psychotherapy

Do I Have Autism?

You may be successful at work, have close relationships, live independently, and appear comfortable socially while putting a tremendous amount of effort into navigating things that seem easy for other people.
Sometimes autism sounds like:

“I don't understand why socializing is so exhausting for me.”
“I feel like everyone else got a rulebook that I never received.”
“I can do this, but it takes so much energy.”
“I need more alone time than other people seem to need.”
“Why do I feel overwhelmed by things that don't seem to bother anyone else?”

Autism is a spectrum, and autistic people can have very different strengths, challenges, personalities, and support needs. You may relate to some of these experiences and not others.

Symptoms & Areas That Autism Impacts

Change

You may be able to handle change, but need time and preparation to adjust.
You might:

Feel unsettled when your plans change unexpectedly.
Need to know what to expect before going somewhere new.
Feel anxious when routines are disrupted.
Need time to process major life changes.
Feel overwhelmed when several things change at once.
Become attached to familiar places, routines, or ways of doing things.

You may think: “I can handle change. I just need a chance to prepare for it.”

Daily life With Autism

Everyday tasks can become difficult when there are too many sensory, organizational, or transition demands.
You might:

Have routines that make everyday life easier.
Become overwhelmed by errands.
Put off tasks because there are too many steps.
Prefer going to familiar places.
Have strong preferences about how things are organized.
Find grocery stores, malls, airports, or other busy places exhausting.
Need recovery time after running several errands.
Become frustrated when your routine is disrupted.
Feel more comfortable when you know exactly what is going to happen.

You may think: “It's not the errand itself. It's everything I have to process while I'm doing it.”

Dating & Autism

Dating can be particularly confusing when so much of it depends on unspoken expectations.
You might:

Have difficulty knowing whether someone is interested in you.
Prefer people to be direct about their intentions.
Feel overwhelmed by dating apps.
Not know how often you're “supposed” to text.
Spend a lot of time wondering whether you said the right thing.
Feel more comfortable when dating develops slowly.
Find first dates exhausting.
Prefer meaningful conversations over small talk.
Become very interested in someone and want to know everything about them.
Feel confused by mixed signals.

You may think: “I wish dating came with instructions.”

Family relationships & Autism

Family relationships can become complicated when your needs aren't always understood.
You might:

Feel like your family doesn't understand why certain things overwhelm you.
Be told you're “too sensitive.”
Feel pressured to participate in family gatherings.
Need more downtime than your family expects.
Become overwhelmed by noisy or unpredictable family environments.
Struggle when family members communicate indirectly.
Feel like you're expected to behave a certain way because “that's just what families do.”
Have difficulty explaining why you need space.
Feel guilty for needing boundaries.

You may think: “I love my family. I just need things from family relationships that they don't always understand.”

Feeling Like You Don't Quite Fit In & an "Outsider"

You may have spent a lot of your life feeling like you're slightly outside of the group.
You might:

Feel like you understand what people are saying but don't always understand what they mean.
Feel like other people seem to know social rules that you somehow missed.
Wonder why certain interactions feel much harder for you than they seem to be for other people.
Feel like you're constantly observing how other people behave so you can figure out what you're supposed to do.
Feel different without being able to explain exactly why.
Feel like you can connect deeply with certain people but struggle to feel comfortable in groups.
Feel like you have to “translate” yourself for other people.
Wonder whether you're somehow doing adulthood wrong.

You may think: “I don't feel like I belong anywhere, even when people seem to like me.”

Food & Sensory Preferences

You may have strong preferences around food that go beyond simply being “picky.”
You might:

Have strong reactions to certain textures.
Prefer foods prepared a particular way.
Have a small number of foods you feel comfortable eating.
Find unfamiliar foods stressful.
Be sensitive to smells.
Lose your appetite when you're overwhelmed.
Have difficulty eating in noisy or busy environments.

You may think: “It's not that I'm trying to be difficult about food. Some textures or smells are genuinely overwhelming to me.”

Friendships & Autism

You may want close friendships but find maintaining them more complicated than expected.
You might:

Prefer a few close friends rather than a large social circle.
Feel exhausted by group activities.
Forget to reach out even though you care about someone.
Need a lot of time alone.
Feel more comfortable with friends who share your interests.
Become uncomfortable with superficial conversation.
Feel like friendships require rules you were never taught.
Have difficulty knowing how often you're supposed to contact someone.
Feel hurt when friendships change without understanding why.
Prefer friendships where you can spend time together without constantly talking.

You may think: “I don't need a lot of friends. I just want a few people I can genuinely be myself around.”

Masking or “Performing” Socially & The cost of Masking

Some autistic adults learn to consciously or unconsciously hide parts of themselves in order to fit in.
You might:

Watch how other people behave and copy them.
Practice conversations in your head before having them.
Think about what facial expression you're supposed to make.
Remind yourself to make eye contact.
Force yourself to smile or appear interested.
Rehearse what you're going to say before making a phone call.
Change how you speak depending on who you're around.
Hide behaviors that feel natural to you because you're worried about how others will react.
Pretend you're more comfortable than you actually are.
Come home after socializing and feel completely depleted.

You may think: “People think I'm really social, but they don't know how much work it takes.”
THE COST OF MASKING:For some autistic adults, years of trying to fit in can eventually become exhausting.
You may notice:

You have less energy than you used to.
Social situations that you once managed feel much harder.
You need more time alone.
You're becoming less able to hide when you're overwhelmed.
You're questioning who you are outside of the roles you've learned to perform.
You feel exhausted from constantly monitoring yourself.
You no longer want to pretend that certain things don't bother you.
You are beginning to realize how much effort you've spent trying to appear “normal.”

You may think: “I don't want to spend the rest of my life pretending that everything is easy for me.”

Meltdowns

A meltdown can happen when you're extremely overwhelmed or overstimulated. It isn't simply “having a tantrum.”
You might:

Cry uncontrollably.
Become extremely frustrated or angry.
Feel unable to communicate clearly.
Need to escape the situation.
Become unable to make decisions.
Feel like everything has suddenly become too much.
Need significant time alone afterward.
Feel embarrassed about what happened once you're calmer.

You may think: “I held it together for as long as I could, and then I just couldn't anymore.”

Overwhelmed

Sometimes your nervous system simply reaches its limit.
You might:

Feel fine and then suddenly feel like you can't handle one more thing.
Become overwhelmed when plans change unexpectedly.
Shut down when too many people need something from you.
Have difficulty making decisions when you're overwhelmed.
Need to be alone after a particularly demanding day.
Become unusually quiet.
Feel unable to explain what's wrong in the moment.
Need significantly more recovery time than other people seem to need.

You may think: “I'm not trying to be difficult. I genuinely can't process anything else right now.”

Romantic Relationships & Autism

Being autistic doesn't mean you don't want intimacy or meaningful relationships. You may actually want very deep connection while finding some of the unwritten rules of relationships confusing or exhausting.
You might:

Prefer direct communication rather than hints.
Need your partner to tell you what they're feeling instead of expecting you to infer it.
Become overwhelmed by conflict.
Need time alone after an emotionally intense conversation.
Have difficulty knowing what your partner needs unless they tell you directly.
Feel confused when someone says “nothing is wrong” but seems upset.
Become deeply attached to your partner.
Need predictable routines within the relationship.
Have different preferences around affection or physical touch.
Feel exhausted by the emotional demands of constantly monitoring the relationship.
Struggle to explain your feelings in the moment but understand them later.

You may think: “I care deeply about my partner. I just don't always know how to show it in the way they expect.”

Routines & Predictability

You may feel much more comfortable when you know what to expect.
You might:

Like having a predictable routine.
Feel unsettled when plans suddenly change.
Need time to mentally prepare for unexpected events.
Become frustrated when someone changes plans at the last minute.
Prefer knowing the schedule ahead of time.
Find transitions difficult.
Feel calmer when you have a familiar routine.
Become overwhelmed when several unexpected things happen in a row.

You may think: “It's not that I don't want to be flexible. I just need time to adjust.”

Self-esteem & Autism

If you've spent years feeling different or being told you're “too much,” “too sensitive,” “awkward,” or “difficult,” it can affect how you see yourself.
You might:

Constantly question whether you're behaving “normally.”
Compare yourself to people who seem more socially comfortable.
Feel embarrassed about your sensory needs.
Hide parts of yourself because you're afraid of being judged.
Feel like you have to earn acceptance by being easygoing.
Wonder whether people actually like the real you.
Feel exhausted from trying to fit in.
Have difficulty knowing what your authentic self actually looks like underneath all the adapting.

You may think: “I don't know if people like me for me or for the version of myself I've learned to present.”

Sensory Overload

Your environment may affect you more intensely than other people seem to experience it.
You might be sensitive to:

Loud or unexpected sounds.
Bright lights.
Certain textures.
Clothing tags or seams.
Strong smells.
Crowded spaces.
Multiple conversations happening at once.
Certain foods or food textures.
Temperature changes.
Being touched unexpectedly.

You may:

Become overwhelmed in busy stores.
Feel exhausted after being somewhere noisy.
Need headphones or quiet time.
Become irritable when there is too much sensory stimulation.
Have difficulty concentrating when your environment is distracting.
Need to leave a situation because everything suddenly feels like too much.

You may think: “Nothing technically happened. There was just too much happening at once.”

Shutdowns

For some people, overwhelm looks less outwardly emotional and more like everything shutting down.
You might:

Become very quiet.
Have difficulty speaking.
Feel disconnected from what's happening around you.
Need people to stop asking questions.
Have difficulty making even simple decisions.
Feel like your brain has gone blank.
Need to lie down or be alone.
Struggle to explain what you're feeling until much later.

You may think: “I know you're asking me a question. I just can't find the words right now.”

Social Communication

Sometimes the difficulty isn't wanting connection—it's figuring out how to navigate the interaction.
You might:

Take things literally.
Miss sarcasm, hints, or subtle changes in tone.
Not realize someone is upset unless they tell you directly.
Struggle to know when someone wants advice versus when they simply want you to listen.
Have difficulty knowing what information is relevant to share.
Give more detail than someone expected.
Become frustrated when people aren't direct.
Find vague instructions difficult to follow.
Think of the perfect response several hours after a conversation.
Interrupt because you're afraid you'll forget what you wanted to say.
Have difficulty knowing when a conversation is actually over.

You may think: “If people would just tell me what they mean, relationships would be so much easier.”

Socializing Can Be Exhausting

You may enjoy being around people and still find social interaction draining.
You might:

Need significant alone time after socializing.
Replay conversations afterward.
Think about whether you said the wrong thing.
Feel exhausted after a party, meeting, or gathering.
Prefer one-on-one conversations to groups.
Feel overwhelmed when multiple people are talking.
Struggle to know when it's your turn to speak.
Not know how to enter a conversation.
Feel unsure how long you should make eye contact.
Find small talk difficult or uninteresting.
Feel much more comfortable when you know what to expect.
Need time to mentally prepare before social events.

You may think: “I like people. I just don't always have the energy for people.”

Special Interests & Deep Interests

You may develop interests that are particularly meaningful and absorbing.
You might:

Become deeply knowledgeable about specific subjects.
Spend hours researching something you're interested in.
Feel energized when talking about a favorite topic.
Lose track of time while learning or working on an area of interest.
Find comfort in returning to familiar interests.
Feel especially connected to people who share your interests.
Become frustrated when you don't have opportunities to engage with things that matter to you.

You may think: “When I find something I'm interested in, I can completely lose myself in it.”

Work & Autism

You may be very capable at your job but struggle with aspects of the workplace that aren't actually part of the job description.
You might:

Do your best work when expectations are clear.
Feel stressed by vague instructions.
Prefer knowing exactly what is expected of you.
Become overwhelmed by open offices or noisy environments.
Need uninterrupted time to concentrate.
Find workplace small talk exhausting.
Feel drained by meetings that don't seem necessary.
Have difficulty switching rapidly between tasks.
Become overwhelmed when priorities constantly change.
Prefer written instructions over verbal ones.
Need recovery time after highly social workdays.
Be extremely detail-oriented in some areas.
Become frustrated when coworkers aren't as direct as you'd like.

You may think: “I can do the work. It's the constant social and sensory demands around the work that exhaust me.”

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