Do I Have Depression?

Sometimes depression shows up when life doesn't look the way you expected it to.

Maybe you:

• Went through a breakup or divorce.

• Moved somewhere new.

• Changed careers.

• Lost a job.

• Became a parent.

• Became an empty nester.

• Retired.

• Experienced a major health change.

• Lost someone important.

• Went through a financial setback.

• Reached a milestone you thought would make you happier.

You might think: “I thought I'd be happier by now.” or “I don't know who I am in this new chapter of my life.”

You may feel like you're grieving not only what happened, but also the life you thought you were going to have.

Burnout and depression aren't the same thing, but they can feel similar—and sometimes they occur together.

You might:

• Feel like you have nothing left to give.

• Dread opening your laptop or checking your email.

• Feel exhausted before your day even begins.

• Stop caring about things you used to care about.

• Fantasize about getting away from everything.

• Take time off but still not feel rested.

• Come home from work and have absolutely nothing left for your partner, kids, or yourself.

• Feel like every responsibility is one more thing being added to an already overflowing plate.

• Wonder whether you actually hate your job or whether you're simply completely depleted.

You may think: “I don't need another productivity hack. I need to feel like myself again.”

After losing someone or something important, you may feel like you're trying to figure out how to live in a world that suddenly feels different.

You might:

• Have good days and then suddenly feel knocked over by sadness.

• Feel okay one minute and completely overwhelmed the next.

• Avoid places, songs, photos, or conversations because they bring everything back.

• Feel guilty when you laugh or enjoy yourself.

• Feel guilty about things you wish you'd done differently.

• Feel like other people expect you to be “moving on.”

• Feel disconnected from people who don't understand what you're going through.

• Wonder who you are now that this person or part of your life is gone.

• Have difficulty imagining a future that feels meaningful.

• Feel like you're functioning, but only because you have to.

You may think: “I don't want to forget what I lost, but I also don't know how to move forward.”

“High-functioning depression” isn't a formal diagnosis, but it's a term many people relate to. From the outside, you may look like you're doing just fine.

You:

• Go to work.

• Take care of your responsibilities.

• Show up for your family.

• Pay your bills.

• Keep your appointments.

• Socialize when you need to.

• Accomplish things.

But when you're alone:

• You're exhausted.

• You don't want to do anything.

• You spend a lot of time on the couch or in bed.

• Everything feels like an effort.

• You rarely feel genuinely excited.

• You count down until you can go home.

• You don't feel particularly connected to your life.

• You're tired of pretending you're okay.

• You wonder why you aren't happier when, objectively, things seem to be going well.

You may think: “Everyone thinks I have it together. I don't feel like I do.”

You can feel lonely even when you're surrounded by people.

You might:

• Feel like nobody really knows how you're doing.

• Have people you could call but still feel like you can't reach out.

• Feel disconnected during conversations.

• Go through your day without feeling genuinely connected to anyone.

• Avoid people because explaining how you feel feels exhausting.

• Want someone to notice you're struggling without having to ask for help.

• Feel like you're watching everyone else live their lives.

You may think: “I don't want to be alone. I just don't know how to connect right now.”

Sometimes depression feels like a noticeable change from how you normally feel and function.

You might:

• Wake up and immediately wish you could go back to sleep.

• Look at your to-do list and feel overwhelmed before you've even started.

• Keep putting off simple things like laundry, dishes, emails, or showering because they somehow feel like too much.

• Stop looking forward to things you normally enjoy.

• Go to plans but find yourself wishing you were home.

• Feel like you're going through the motions rather than actually living.

• Have trouble concentrating on conversations, books, emails, or shows.

• Forget things more often.

• Feel emotionally heavy for no obvious reason.

• Cry more easily—or feel like you should cry but can't.

• Feel numb rather than sad.

• Become more irritable with the people around you.

• Have a hard time imagining things getting better.

You may find yourself thinking: “I don't know what's wrong. I just don't feel like myself.”

Depression can make parenting feel much harder than you expected.

You might:

• Love your children deeply but have little energy to engage with them.

• Feel guilty that you're not more patient.

• Feel overwhelmed by constant demands.

• Need more alone time than usual.

• Feel irritated by normal childhood behavior.

• Have difficulty enjoying activities you used to enjoy doing together.

• Feel like you're just trying to get everyone through the day.

• Compare yourself to other parents.

• Feel like everyone else is doing a better job.

• Feel guilty when you take time for yourself.

• Feel like you've lost touch with who you were before becoming a parent.

You may think: “I love being a parent. I just don't love how I'm feeling right now.”

Sometimes depression hides underneath constantly trying to be “good enough.”

You might:

• Feel like you always have to do more.

• Have difficulty resting without feeling guilty.

• Feel productive only when you're accomplishing something.

• Put things off because you're afraid you won't do them perfectly.

• Feel like small mistakes are much bigger than they really are.

• Accomplish something and immediately think about what you could have done better.

• Have difficulty celebrating your successes.

• Feel exhausted from trying to meet expectations—both your own and everyone else's.

You may think: “If I slow down, everything is going to fall apart.”

Having a baby doesn't automatically mean feeling happy and fulfilled all the time.

You might:

• Feel overwhelmed by how much has changed.

• Wonder where your old self went.

• Feel guilty that you're not enjoying this time more.

• Cry more than you expected.

• Feel numb or disconnected.

• Feel like you're constantly doing something for someone else.

• Feel resentful and then feel terrible for feeling resentful.

• Have difficulty bonding or feeling emotionally connected.

• Feel like you're failing at something everyone else seems to handle naturally.

• Feel exhausted beyond what seems normal.

• Feel anxious about your baby constantly.

• Feel isolated even when you're surrounded by people.

• Miss your independence, freedom, relationship, or old routine.

• Feel afraid to tell anyone how difficult things actually feel.

You may think: “I love my baby, so why am I struggling so much?”

Loving your baby and struggling emotionally can exist at the same time.

Sometimes depression isn't a dramatic change. It's more like you've been feeling “off” for so long that you don't remember what feeling good actually feels like.

You might:

• Describe yourself as someone who is “just kind of down.”

• Rarely feel genuinely excited about things.

• Expect life to be difficult or disappointing.

• Have low energy most days.

• Feel like you're always pushing yourself to do things.

• Have a hard time being optimistic.

• Assume things probably won't work out.

• Feel like you're simply getting through the week.

• Have a hard time remembering the last time you felt really happy.

• Think, “This is just how I am.”

• Wonder whether you're supposed to feel more fulfilled by now.

• You may not feel like you're in a crisis.

• You may simply feel like you've been settling for a life that doesn't feel very good.

You may notice that your mood seems to change at certain times of the year.

You might:

• Start feeling more withdrawn as the days get shorter.

• Want to stay home more.

• Have less energy.

• Sleep more.

• Stop making plans.

• Lose interest in activities.

• Find yourself counting down until spring.

• Feel like you're a different version of yourself during certain months.

You may think: “Every year around this time, I start disappearing a little.”

Depression can change the way you talk to yourself.

You might:

• Focus on everything you're doing wrong.

• Discount your accomplishments.

• Compare yourself to people who seem to be doing better.

• Feel behind in life.

• Assume other people are more capable than you.

• Feel like you're disappointing everyone.

• Have a hard time accepting compliments.

• Feel uncomfortable when someone says something positive about you.

• Be incredibly understanding toward other people but extremely critical of yourself.

• Feel like you should be able to handle everything on your own.

You may find yourself thinking: “Why can everyone else seem to handle life better than I can?”

Depression can make you withdraw from the people you love—even when you desperately want connection.

You might:

• Stop texting people back.

• Cancel plans.

• Avoid answering the phone.

• Feel lonely but not want company.

• Feel like you don't have anything to contribute to conversations.

• Become more irritable with your partner.

• Have less interest in affection or sex.

• Feel emotionally distant.

• Worry that you're a burden.

• Feel guilty that you're not the friend, partner, or family member you used to be.

• Avoid telling people how you're actually doing because you don't want to worry them.

You may think: “I want to be around people. I just don't have the energy to be around people.”